A week ago, I made the hardest decision to officially drop out of college. Right now, I decided to put my educational journey of becoming a librarian on hold. I did not drop out because school was hard. I was stressed and I no longer like going. Part of that was me still coping with my depression spells. It seems that lately it has been harder and harder to climb out of the dark hole I fall into. I have been doing my best.
Right now, this break lets me recenter myself and focus on what I really want out of life. While I want to go to school and get a degree, I wonder if right now is my time. I will take it one step at a time and go at my own pace. I did plan to go on trips either in November or December to leave out of country and I cannot do that while in school. I guess I could, if I took online classes, I could travel and still work towards my degree. Things to think about either soon or in the early future.
I partly regret dropping out because I feel like I gave up for my mental health. Although, I could be using my depression as an excuse to not go to school anymore. Getting a degree and an education was a passion of mine. I am filled with conflicting emotions. What if I am not going to school for me but because my parents really want me to? Maybe the only reason they are supporting my dreams of becoming a Librarian is because, I would be the “highest” educated in my family.
I cannot be anyone but me, so please do not live vicariously though me. I know how much it means, but I will always be doing my own thing.