What if I Just Don’t Have it in Me?

A week ago, I made the hardest decision to officially drop out of college. Right now, I decided to put my educational journey of becoming a librarian on hold. I did not drop out because school was hard. I was stressed and I no longer like going. Part of that was me still coping with my depression spells. It seems that lately it has been harder and harder to climb out of the dark hole I fall into. I have been doing my best.

Right now, this break lets me recenter myself and focus on what I really want out of life. While I want to go to school and get a degree, I wonder if right now is my time. I will take it one step at a time and go at my own pace. I did plan to go on trips either in November or December to leave out of country and I cannot do that while in school. I guess I could, if I took online classes, I could travel and still work towards my degree. Things to think about either soon or in the early future.

I partly regret dropping out because I feel like I gave up for my mental health. Although, I could be using my depression as an excuse to not go to school anymore. Getting a degree and an education was a passion of mine. I am filled with conflicting emotions. What if I am not going to school for me but because my parents really want me to? Maybe the only reason they are supporting my dreams of becoming a Librarian is because, I would be the “highest” educated in my family.

I cannot be anyone but me, so please do not live vicariously though me. I know how much it means, but I will always be doing my own thing. 

4 thoughts on “What if I Just Don’t Have it in Me?

  1. galacta12

    Hi I have an idea you can come back to college in a couple or few years. You can do in the mean time a part time job. It’s something to do and looks good on your CV. You don’t have to have a job you like. Just a job you can stick by. For example if you don’t want to be around people then a job that uses a computer would be good. I mean a job that you know you can do and then in a couple or few years when you know you are ready you can go back to college. Hope it helps.

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      1. galacta12

        Your welcome. I think it’s easier doing part time. Just in case your mood drops or you can’t come to work. With part time you got time to do other things like hobbies or gym or cinema and it isn’t too much like college. Was the college course full time?

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